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Extremes such as excessive adoration, disgust, or indifference in parental relationships can be trouble.
There are three wonderful books that illustrate the problem of too few expectations (look under homework and go to books listed on this web site) Don’t bury the other person in all your unmet childhood needs. Emotional Sadism or Masochism Examine your own masochism if you are in a relationship you know is unhealthy and you stay anyway. It doesn’t require a lot of imagination to suspect that their marriage was not warm and wonderful. We often fill in the gaps with ways to cope or ways to believe about life and relationships that are twisted up to fill in the gaps. One example might be having a mother or father who abandoned you growing up, which is not grounds for entitlement to drown your lover in neediness. Be sure to ask yourself; How easy was it for you to allow this to happen? Lack of self awareness In their 20′s someone can easily lack self awareness, after 30 that’s pretty unattractive. You’re Not Alone” by Joe Donatelli, he refers to a poll.
People allow themselves to be seduced by charm because it’s glorious to leap over awkward beginnings in relationships. Give up the Rescuer role, thinking that you will be a good person by fixing them up. Phil says put out an “I want to be with you” vibe instead of “I need to be with you.” 4.
Let them hire a therapist instead, where relationship boundaries require them to do 50% of the work. If Heterosexual – Determine their relationship with their opposite sex parent (Freud had a few things right).
A terrible feeling of loneliness sets in and it is easy to overdose on your experience of very real vulnerability. A wonderful laugh-out-loud book that teaches this lesson is the mystery Lucky You by Carl Hiaasen. If a real dialogue emerges instead of a defensive, deflecting monologue, WOW. Boundaries should not be apologized for, they are a good reality check and a way to take the temperature of the relationship. Someone Who Takes Responsibility From the ages of 13-27, a lot of latitude can be granted. This may sound very old-fashioned but fast sexuality easily clouds perceptions.
Be sure to create a solid support system for yourself, one in which sexuality doesn’t gum up the works. You have to love an author who makes a Hooters waitress a heroine. Particularly after the age of 27, an adult needs to take more responsibility if they mistreat someone else or are narcissistic. Take time to find out if she/he is worth the investment of your knowing them.